Strategies to Cultivate Belief in Oneself and the Ability to Grow and Learn
Introduction: From Skeptic to Believer
When I first heard the term “growth mindset,” I dismissed it as another self-help cliché. But after years of battling self-doubt—quitting projects at the first sign of failure, avoiding risks, and clinging to the safety of “what I knew”—I decided to explore it. What I discovered changed my life. A growth mindset isn’t just a theory; it’s a way of living. Here’s how I rewired my thinking, embraced lifelong learning, and built a life I once thought was impossible.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset: My Wake-Up Call
Years ago, I abandoned a writing project after harsh feedback. My inner voice hissed: “You’re just not a writer.” That fixed mindset—the belief that abilities are static—kept me stuck for years. Then I stumbled on psychologist Carol Dweck’s work. She taught me that skills aren’t born; they’re built. My “I can’t” stories were just excuses.
The Shift:
- Fixed mindset: “This is who I am.”
- Growth mindset: “This is who I’m becoming.”
Strategies That Transformed My Life
These are the tools I’ve used to turn setbacks into stepping stones.
1. Embrace the “Yet” Mantra
When my daughter said, “I can’t ride a bike,” I replied, “You can’t ride a bike yet.” That word became my lifeline. Learning IT Development at 40? “I don’t know how… yet.” Starting a blog? “I’m not a writer… yet.”
Try This: Add “yet” to every self-limiting thought.
2. Redefine Failure as Feedback
After a business venture flopped, I started a “Failure Resume” in my journal. Each entry includes:
- What went wrong.
- What I learned.
- How it helped me grow.
Example: A failed freelance gig taught me to set clearer boundaries—a lesson that later saved my sanity in tech.
3. Seek Discomfort (Yes, Really)
I always wanted to share my thoughts on social media, but I felt uncomfortable speaking on video. I suppressed that desire for a long time, but now I’m glad I can directly connect with my audience and discuss topics I’m passionate about.
Growth Rule: If it doesn’t scare you a little, it’s not stretching you.
4. Swap Goals for Systems
Old me: “Hit 10K subscribers!” New me: “Publish one honest, experiment-driven post weekly.” Focusing on process over outcomes freed me from perfectionism.
My Growth Journey: From Classroom to Tropical Skies
I’ve always admired people who share knowledge fearlessly—it’s why I became a teacher. For years, I thrived in the classroom. But adventure called. I moved to America, joined an airline, and worked grueling 4 AM shifts to fuel my travel dreams. Later, curiosity (and YouTube tutorials) led me to teach myself IT. No degree, no formal training—just grit. Eventually, I landed an IT developer job with the airline and worked there until I retired in Hawaii during the COVID pandemic.
And that vision of living on a tropical island? I tacked Hawaii photos to my vision board for years. Last year, I finally arrived. Today, I’m writing this from my lanai, surrounded by palm trees and ocean waves. The path wasn’t linear—it involved rejections, doubts, and plenty of “Failure Resume” entries—but it proved that what I set my mind to, I can pursue.
The Silva Method: My 40-Year-Old Mind Tool
Decades ago, I took a course called Silva Mind Control (now the Silva Method). Its lessons became my secret weapon during tough times. Here’s how it aligns with growth mindset principles:
- Visualize Your Future Self
Silva teaches you to imagine success in vivid detail. When I dreamed of moving to Hawaii, I’d close my eyes and picture the sound of waves and rustling palms. It felt silly, but that mental rehearsal kept me focused. - Affirmations Beat Negativity
The method uses short, positive statements to reprogram limiting beliefs. During career shifts (teacher → aviation → IT), I repeated: “I am capable of learning new things.” Simple, powerful, and true. - Relax to Solve Problems
Silva’s deep-breathing techniques taught me to calm my mind before tackling challenges. Stuck on a coding problem? Breathe in, breathe out, ask: “What’s one small step I can take now?”
Why It Works: Silva isn’t magic—it’s a reminder that growth starts in the mind.
Overcoming Growth Mindset Roadblocks
1. Silence Comparison
Scrolling LinkedIn used to leave me feeling inadequate. Now, when I see someone’s success, I think: “If they can learn it, so can I.”
2. Practice Self-Compassion
After burning out trying to “hustle,” I discovered researcher Kristin Neff’s work. Now, when I fail, I ask: “What would I say to my best friend?” (Spoiler: I’m gentler with them than myself.)
3. Build a Growth Tribe
I once had friends who bonded over complaining. I slowly surrounded myself with learners—people who asked, “What’s your next adventure?” One even taught me meditation, which I now use to spot fixed-mindset triggers.
Further Reading That Shaped My Views
- Mindset by Carol Dweck (the growth mindset bible).
- Atomic Habits by James Clear (tiny changes = big results).
- Brené Brown’s TED Talk on vulnerability (because courage is a muscle).
- The Silva Mind Control Method by José Silva (my old-school mindset manual).
Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection
A growth mindset isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about showing up, even when you’re unsure. Some days, I still hear that old fixed-mindset voice: “You’re not qualified.” But now I reply: “Not yet.”
Your Challenge: Pick one thing you’ve told yourself you’re “bad at.” This week, do it badly—but do it. That’s how I went from burning toast to making edible risotto (six tries, but who’s counting?). And if a teacher-turned-IT-guy-turned-Hawaii-dreamer can keep reinventing himself, imagine what you could do.